Oh Yeah! I'm Tired {5 Minute Friday}

Its Friday, and while I haven't done it in awhile, I think if I don't write today I might burst at the seams and all of my insides might come out.  It wouldn't be pretty.  So, I'm going to jump on and set my timer for 5 minutes and write for the pure joy of writing along with Lisa-Jo at The Gypsy Mama.  We write with no edits, from our hearts.  The prompt today is:  Tired:

Go:

I am so tired.  Weary.  Dog tired.  To my bones. Burdened.  Tired.

I remember when my daughter was a baby and her Dad was on a remote tour of duty in the Phillipines with the Air Force and she didn't sleep.  Ever. AT ALL. I'mnotkidding.  In her baby book, I marked at 8 months when she slept 3 hours straight. That was the first time she had ever slept 3 hours straight.  It was during the day and her 2 year old brother was wide awake and a handful.  {Her brother was sleeping 8-12 hours with one feeding when he was 10 days old. She was quite a surprise. In fact, she's 31 and still doesn't sleep well.}  That year, I thought I knew what tired was.

I was wrong.

Tired is having grown up children who live on the west coast while you are in the southeast and who need you...and all you can do is listen and cry with them and pray.  Because you know they were never yours to begin with.  Those preschool boo-boos and predicaments that I thought were nearly insurmountable...HA!  Those were the easy days.

Tired is deadlines looming on reports about numbers in the church that have nothing to do with the real work of the church. (I am the Clergy Admnistrator in a large church and its time for annual reports)  But the bureaucracy of the church and its hierarchy seem to be very concerned with the number of bottoms in the pew and the dollars in the plate...not how we ministered to those people.  How do you account for sitting and singing 'Jesus Loves Me' with a drug addict, wracked with pain and needing a fix, who came in looking for help?  How do you put a number or value to helping someone plan the funeral service of the one they love most dearly in all the earth?  What place in the database form asks for the hours you have knelt in prayer for and with people in need? The tissues handed across my desk.  The joy shared in good news?  The sharing of the Gospel of Christ?  There isn't a spot for that on the form.  But I better report carefully the name of the person who did the last audit on the property.  Oh, yes.  I'm tired. {and maybe have a less than sterling attitude}

Tired is sitting up all night long in a hospital room, watching the man to whom you have pledged your heart and life as he breaths in and out...IV tubes running out of both hands, oxygen going into his nostrils and a monitor by his side charting his heart.  Watching that precious man with whom I have built a life while he sleeps, wondering if this is what life will be now?  Being a place I thought would probably happen someday, but not today. {inserted note...my Rocket Man did NOT have a heart attack, but we were in the ER on Saturday night with chest pains and he had a heart cath run.  We aren't sure yet what happened, and I solicit your prayers as we go down this path of finding out.  He is back at work today and we have follow up appointments to try to figure out what happened and how to prevent it in the future}

Oh, yeah.  I'm tired.  But I am also resting in the arms of God that held me long before I was even aware that He was holding me.  I know that I can't do any of this in my own strength, but that I can do ALL things through Him.  And I have peace.  And the coffee is still good.  And the sun is still shining.  And the deadlines will be met.  And sometime next week, I'll take the Autumn decorations down and drag out the Christmas decorations.  But today...right now...I'm really, really tired.

STOP.

That was more than 5 minutes and I didn't mean to color outside of the lines.  But writing all of that certainly made me feel a bit better and my phone rang 4 times while I was trying to write.  Guess that is what I get for writing at work.  I did come in an hour early and will be here late, if that counts for anything.  Did I mention that I'm tired?

~Mollianne