Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Big Girl Panties

We girls talk all the time about 'putting on our big girl panties.' When we say that, we are talking about doing something hard or disgusting or hateful or that we just don't want to do. I've said it a million times. 'Guess I'll put on my big girl panties and go to that meeting' which means 'I'm going but I dont' want to." You know exactly what I'm talking about.

I needed big girl panties yesterday. I thought I had them on. They were my control top big girl panties and I thought I was absolutely large and in charge of the situation. I was going for the MRI (you recall my 'that ain't right' back') Well, I was going for the MRI so they could figure out ...oh something. I really am bored with my back, my central nervous system, etc. I occasionally throw up my hands and declare myself done.

So, Rocket Man had rearranged his morning so he could take me for said MRI. More than a few discussions had passed between us about this particualar event and I was just about put out with him. I thought he was asking the unreasonable. He was simply trying to help...but it appeared that he was trying to be bossy. He is quite famous for being bossy. Ask the folks who work for him (although I suppose a boss is allowed to be bossy). Anyway, I was certain that I knew what was best and I was going to just take charge.

MRI? ha! I was laughing at it. This was not my first trip into that coffin. In fact, it was my 4th in the past 3 1/2 years. I won't bore you with allthe details, but the others have been scans to image my big, giant brain. When they do that, they lock a cage around my head to hold it completely still. I require Valium for the head-locking procedure. But, I just knew that since we were taking pictures of my lower spine, I would go feet first, it wouldn't be a problem and I was A-okay. Really. I had it under control. The dear Rocket Man asked me until he nearly irritated the pooh out of me if I was okay. Well, of course I was. This was not going to be a big deal.

I wan't anxious. I was flippant about it. I slept well the night before. I got up early and did some things around the house and thought how nice it was to have coffee together before we left the house. We got there and were laughing about something silly on the news when the sweet lady came and took me back for the test.

I had to leave anything with metal in it in the locker. I could wear my top, but had to leave my pants because of the zipper. She gave me disposable shorts to wear (more about them later). I sashayed into the room, hopped up on the machine, although my enthusiasm waned a bit when I realized I was going in head-first. But there was no cage for my head, so I was good with it.

Wrong. I had my eyes closed tightly, something I'd learned was a good idea in my previous trips into the very small tube. I was saying my mantra over and over, 'Don't open your eyes, Molli. Don't open your eyes, Molli." I was okay for about a nano-second and then I came completely unglued. I'm not talking a little anxious. I am talking full-blown, get-me-outta-here-NOW, unglued! I was embarassed. I was relieved. I was crying. I was blathering. I was lightheaded. I was apologizing to the sweet lady, who assured me that the same thing happened to everyone.

I got out of those shorts and back into my clothes in short order. I went out and told Rocket Man that I had to get out of there IMMEDIATELY. God bless him, he didn't say "I told you so" and who would have blamed him? He didn't remind me that he had rearranged his entire day. He held me and told me it would all be okay. And, it was.

I called and rescheduled after the nice nurse called in a prescription of Valium for me. 10 mg one hour before the test, 10 mg as soon as I walked into the door of the center. They rescheduled me for 8:35 last night. Who knew that they did such things that late?

I took the meds, went and had the test. While it was not my favorite thing, I was much calmer about it. In fact, I was much calmer about everything. The test didn't take too long and we were out and home in no time. The whole thing shook me up, but I'm okay. Amazing how 20 mg of Valium can change your perspective.

The Big Girl Panties? Oh...I'm saving them. There is a picture of them at the top of this page. The disposable shorts that I put on before the failed attemp ARE the smack daddy of Big Girl Panties. Look for yourself and see. If you ever need to borrow them, give me a call. I'd suggest you take 10 mg of Valium, put on the big girl panties and let me know if you feel better in the morning.

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