Friday, February 3, 2012

Real {5 minute friday}

Its Friday and one of my favorite things in the blogosphere...5 Minute Friday over at The Gypsy Mama. Where we set a timer, write for 5 minutes on a specific topic with no rewrites, no edits. Just words pouring from our hearts through our fingers onto the screen. Sometimes its raw, oftentimes poignant, always a good exercise.

The prompt: Real.

Today, real is about doing something I loathe doing.  Its about being a grown up and putting on those big girl panties and presenting my self and my veins at the infusion center for the first of 5 days of IV steroid infusions.  1000 mg a day.

Real is the war that will take place in my body as the steroids do battle with antigens that are attacking my body.  Real is the flush I will feel within 24 hours of the first drip that will remain uncomfortably there for several days.  From my chest to my scalp.  Real is the metallic taste of pennies that will be in my mouth for the next week.  Real is the loss of those things I guard carefully when I'm not full of antigen-fighting chemicals.  Real is the embarassment I will feel after the fact when I've blurted out something I really wish I hadn't.

Real is the love and care that my Rocket Man will shower upon me.  Real is the surrender I make to let him 'be the boss of me' for the next days.  Real is the struggle to not be a burden to him.  Real is this journey we are on that begin with a bat flying in our bedroom one night, almost 7 years ago and the myriad of medical tests and the doctors shaking their heads and telling me I'm interesting.  Real is the offering up of my veins and my body and the hope I cling to that someday, the treatment will overcome whatever is wrong with me and I will be whole. 

Real is the love of my Savior who walks this path with me and keeps me in His care.  That part of my real is what will give me the courage to walk into the clinic and roll up my sleve, smiling at the nurse to encourage her as she sticks the garden hose into my vein and administers the drip.  Real.  Oh, yes.  Its real.




dayebydaye said...

Wow! My words somehow seem insignificant in light of what you are facing. But thank you for sharing your heart and being REAL! Praying for you now!

Mollianne said...

Thank you for your kind words and prayers. ~Mollianne

Kim said...

Love the name of your blog: Cleverly masquerading as an adult! I think we all feel that way some (or most!) of the time.

Thank you for sharing so transparently about your health journey and the faith your put in our Savior.

My prayers are with you.

Kerri (a simple princess) said...

I am at a loss for words but want you to know that you are in my prayers! Thank you for being real! Bless you!

Mollianne said...

Kim, thank you for reading my post. I love the name, too. A friend suggested it and it normally really fits me. I'm launching a new blog and we've shortened it to CleverlyMolli.
Thank you for your prayers. So far, after 2 infusions, this has been the easiest one yet. The prayers certainly help.

Kerri, thank you for your prayers and your blessing. It makes such a difference to know that folks are praying for us in this.