Leave it to Hallmark

Leave it to Hallmark to have me sobbing in the birthday card section of the store. Sobbing because I am a paper crafter and I make cards for all occasions…and I’m standing in Hallmark ON my husband’s birthday purchasing a card for him. Because I haven’t been able to create a special card just for him on his birthday. So I snuck across the street to Hallmark feeling like a jerk, a failure and a very bad person.

I'm standing in front of the "Birthday for Husband" section and I’m reading these beautiful sentiments and I began to think about how much I love him…how dear and precious he is to me…and now I’m sobbing because my heart is just so full of love and tenderness. He would look at me like I'm crazy if he had seen me. He’s not much of a ‘feeeeeeeelings’ kind of guy.

I’m also sobbing because I just don’t feel well and I’m tired all the time and something is severely out of whack. The fix is going to be a treatment that I don’t care for and don’t actually want to take. (I mean, really...who in their right mind wants to be infused with 1000 mg if steroids for 5 days straight?) But I know I'm going to have to. I’m finding myself having difficulties communicating verbally on a daily basis. Thats a problem for me (maybe NOT for Rocket Man, who fortunately has Auditory Processing Disorder and can blame that when he just isn't listening). I'm a talker. Really. I chat. A LOT! Lately, I am experiencing some difficulty in saying what I'm thinking. The words are in my thoughts, I just can't get them out. And, if I"m completely truthful, I’m frightened that someday I will be locked and lost inside my head and unable to get out.

So, here is the card I chose…for the man who will take care of me even if I become unable to say thank you. Who will, if he needs to, climb a mountain of Yellow Box Sandals to find just the right pink flip flops that he thinks I’d like (and he can’t even see pink) and who will go out of his comfort zone into the realms of a perfume counter (and possibly an encounter with his ex-wife) to find a scent he knows I will like. Who will ask for help from those who know me best and who will hold me through endless nights and comfort me. If it comes to that.

to the man I married

because you let me know you completely, because you are still a mystery to me

because you do not wish to change me, because you have changed me forever

because you see the good and true in me, because you forgive all else in me

because you are not who i expected to love, because you are just who i need to love

because you gave me beautiful yesterdays, because you promise me beautiful tomorrows….

Yeah. I was sobbing in the Hallmark Store. Almost bought a brand new Vera Bradley purse…just to make me feel a little better. Then I remembered. Its not my birthday.

Its not the capsule I'm worried about...It's the rocket!

First of all, you have to understand that I live and have lived in Rocket City, USA for over 20 years now. Huntsville, Alabama was the answer to the Trivial Pursuit question, “What city has more PhDs per capita than any other city in the USA?” Lots of engineers in town. Lots and lots of Rocket Scienctists.

To complicate matters, I’m married to an engineer who just happens to be a Rocket Scientist. He prefers the term ‘Rocket Engineer’. Okay. Whatever. I call him Rocket Man. It isn’t unheard of for me to be sitting in a restaurant booth with him, lost in my own thoughts (or playing on my iPhone) while he has assumed the position with his BlackBerry to his ear and is saying something like, “Well, find Ernie and ask him if the paint loses its integrity at x to the minus 10 or 13! Get back to me as quickly as possible, please.”

There was a time in my innocent life that I would have laughed and that sentence and thought, “Oh, Molli! You heard that on a movie.” I mean, who talks like that? Really? Well, my Rocket Man does…for one. And the people he works with. And about 100,000 other Engineers here in Rocket City. When we say, “Houston, we have a problem”…Houston listens!

I had the funniest dream last night. I’ve been awake for two and a half hours and I’m still giggling. It might not be funny to anyone else in the whole world, but it is cracking me up.

I dreamt that Rocket Man and I were in a high tech NASA building, waiting for a launch countdown. Okay. Been there, done that. While it is exciting, it isn’t hilarious. Only thing was, after that launch, he and I were going to be strapped into an Orion capsule and be launched into orbit. And then the first rocket, the experimental flight, took off and exploded into a billion pieces. Right before my eyes.

In my dream, I looked at Ed Massey and said, “I’m not going! You are NOT strapping my ______ in that Orion capsule and lighting off that rocket! I. AM. NOT. GOING!”

Now, you’d have to know that Rocket Man of mine, and his facial expressions and his way with words to truly appreciate this. He isn’t always the most patient man in the world, but when I get crazy, he gets very calm and extremely patient. So, in my dream, he gets that “Now, Mollianne” look and explains to me that he built the capsule. Its going to be fine. Just trust him. Yada, yada, yada.

Oh, did I mention that I HATE to fly. I hate the loss of control, the feeling of leaving the ground, of moving so quickly AND they make me turn of my iPod during take-of and landing AND I can’t have my knife in my possession while we fly? Okay, so you can imagine how I’d feel about a bazillion tons of highly explosive rocket fuel under my seat. I’m not comfortable about this at all.

I look at him with all frankness, trying to maintain some semblance of logic and reason and say to him, “It’s not the capsule I’m concerned about…it’s the rocket!”

Two of his cohorts were also in my dream. One, a NASA program manager and the other a sub-contractor who IS a rocket propulsion expert. They have assumed the Rocket Man-esque rational, logical stance. They assure me that they have built a fine capsule and I should just trust them. I’m sure if I hadn’t woken up, one of them would have explained to me that they had built a fine launch-abort system, just in case we needed it. But I shouldn’t worry. I wouldn’t need it.

Ha! You can’t fool ME! I know that none of those guys work for the company who actually has the contract to build the capsule.

So, in my dream, I did the last reasonable thing I could think of. I called my Daddy. He answered the phone and told me that he couldn’t talk. He and Mother were in Indianapolis (what?) and in traffic (they hate driving in city traffic) and had just missed their exit. Then he hung up. Hung! Up!

Looks like I’m stuck. Just as I woke up, I was looking at Rocket Man, giving him the look he gives me on occasion and saying, “Really. It’s not the capsule I’m worried about. IT’S THE ROCKET!”

I think I need a vacation!

This is the Ares IX during launch. Rocket Man and his co-horts built the Roll Control System on this baby and it worked. I guess they think they can strap me to anything they build and launch me now!

The Sun is setting on our Brightest and Best

I read the announcement in a news alert and my heart sank. Late last week, NASA announced that up to 2,000 contractor jobs were going to be cut due to the cancellation of the Constellation program. Not all of the jobs will be here in Huntsville, but many will be.

I don’t even think this made the national news, and it wasn’t big headlines in our local news for long. More sensational things happened, such a prisoner who is being held on murder charges tried to commit suicide and lots of politically charged stories.

But for those of us who are closely tied to the Space Program, that announcement was like a mournful bell tolling. The current administration has arbitrarily cut off funding for the Constellation program, which was to replace the aging Space Shuttle. When the last shuttle mission flies within the year…it will be the end of the American Manned Space Flight program. Our astronauts will be hitching rides from the Russians to get the the International Space Station (oh, and the price will be very high for their taxi services!) This is unbelievable to me. As long as I can remember, Americans have been the front runner in Manned Space Flight.

My heroes have included John Glenn and Neil Armstrong and Jan Davis.These were men and women who did daring things, risking their lives…but risking while trusting the technology developed, engineered and built by NASA and NASA contractors. We have corporately mourned disasters that took the lives of our brightest and best. We have reaped the benefit of better living and technology because of NASA research and technology developed for the Space Program.

Who will my grandchildren look up to and call ‘hero’ the way I looked up to the Astronauts? Will it be some entertainer? A politician? A sports figure? Who will accomplish something as amazing as Ares IX, which went from concept to flight in only 3 years time?

Every morning as I come to work, I top a hill and can see the city of Huntsville spread out before me. The most stunning landmark in the distance is a Saturn V rocket that stands proudly at the western edge of the city. I have seen it like a sentinel standing guard over our fair city for the 23 years I have lived here. Last week, I stood at the top of that hill and watched the sun setting behind the rocket.

It was a poignant moment for me. I thought of my friends who will be affected by the layoffs that are surely coming. I thought about my husband, the amazing Rocket Man, who works in the industry and is scrambling and sacrificing to keep good people employed. I thought about the church where I work and know that we will feel the crunch as giving will go down when people lose their jobs. I thought of other jobs that will be lost as our economy feels the squeeze as the aerospace industry in Huntsville shrinks.

Seeing the sun set behind the rocket seemed quite symbolic to me. I hope that memory never replaces the memory I have of being at the launch of Ares IX and the pride I felt at the great achievement I saw. I pray it is not our last such achievement.

Wednesday Whinings-June 16, 2010

Its been several weeks since I thought I had anything worth a Wednesday Whine. But today, I feel some whining in the air...it is going on all around me. I thought I might join in, just for the fun of it.

I need to take this one opportunity to whine about the heat. I made a commitment last year to cease whining about the heat during the summer and found that I actually tolerated it much better. Not very much, but a little. Attitude is everything!

Let me just say this: I do not like the heat and humidity of summer in Alabama. Or Ohio. Or Iowa. Or Missouri. Or Virginia.

Never have. Probably never will.

You'd think that I would have acclimated to it, but I never have. Doesn't make it any easier that the Rocket Man (of the Macon, Georgia Masseys) thinks that the weather approaches comfort when it is 94 degrees outside with 99% humidity. We are thermatically ( is that even a word?) incompatible. Nonetheless, I did much better with a better attitude last year, so I intend to try it again this year. ONCE IT IS TRULY SUMMER.! I'm whining about the heat today with a clear conscience because it is still spring :)

And, another thing. resolve to whine or not; don't even tell me how it isn't as hot as last summer when I have sweat rolling down my back today! I don't give a hoot or holler how hot is was last summer when I'm hot RIGHT NOW! Just a word of warning. I might have resolved to cease whining, but I go crazy-nuts when I hear that. I might hurt you!

So, here's my whine. It has been soooooooooo hooooooooooooooooottttttt outside! And stiiiiiccccckkkkyyy! I haaaaaaaaate it. I can't waaaaaaaiiiiiiiittttt for fall and cooler temperaturrrres.

How about you? What are you whining about out there? I know you are, because I'm hearing it everywhere I go. Wah, wah, wah!

~Mollianne

Wednesday's Whinings May 26, 2010

I was on vacation last week, and there is NO whining allowed on vacation.

This Wednesday, the only thing I really can think of to whine about is that while I was waiting at the bus stop this morning for a tardy bus…I had sweat rolling down my back. Not my favorite thing. And I was really going to whine about it.

Until I got to work and found out that one of our church members who has been fighting with cancer lost that battle this morning. How can I whine about the heat when a precious family has been so devastated by loss? Two little girls who are 5 and 7 have lost their Mother. Their father has lost his wife. Their grandparents have lost a beloved daughter. She was a wife, a mother, a daughter, a teacher and a friend. Many, many people will find a void in their lives with the loss of Mindy McCann.

No, I don’t think I’ll whine today. I believe that I will be thankful for every drop of sweat that rolls down my back. And I will pray for God’s comfort and peace to surround the family of one remarkable woman who entered into His very presence today.

The Awful Ugly Truth about Rocket Man

My darling husband, a.k.a. Rocket Man, does not read blogs. He especially doesn’t read mine, unless I copy it in a word document and email it to him with some pithy comment in the subject line that might make his blood run cold. Maybe something like ‘Here is what I posted about you on the World Wide Web today’.

Having read those posts, he has begged me to write something that he feels is closer to the truth. He thinks I’m too kind. I think he is silly. Personally, I don’t know what he’s talking about, but I decided to think on it and see if I could come up with a few things about him that he might find closer to the way he sees himself than the way I see him.

So, here it is. The Awful Ugly Truth about The Rocket Man.

Well….he is an engineer. A cute one, but he is an engineer to the core. He is very comfortable in a world of spread sheets, numbers, formulas and data. The man thrives on data. He needs input. He’s not so big on feelings. Or, as he says, ‘feeeeeeeeelings.’ The endearing thing about him is that he can laugh at himself and his ‘engineerial’ inclinations. For example, when we were still in that pre-courting stage of bumping into each other at events and spending all our time with each other at the event…but not really dating, we were at a Halloween party. It was a costume party. He had on a white shirt with a pocket protector, a tie that was too short, his pants pinned up to be high-waters, a slide rule tie tack and duct tape on his glasses. Oh, he had on white socks with his loafers. I saw him and burst into giggles. He came as a geeky engineer! Anyone who can laugh at themselves is a winner to me.

More Awful Ugly Truth about him is that he is male. He is 100% prime beef-cake, scratchin', spittin' man. If he has a feminine side, it is me and the only time he is in touch with it is when he is touching me. Being all male, there are certain things that he does that are just plain awful and ugly. Nasty things. He leaves the seat (and occasionally the lid) to the toilet up. He drinks milk and coke straight from the bottle. He thinks that my hope chest, which we use as a coffee table, is an acceptable place to put stinky, greasy car parts while he works on them. He does not, however, leave his clothes on the floor. EVER. He takes them off and puts them in the hamper or stuffs them back in the drawer if he intends to wear them again.

He does have one other seemingly male trait that could be considered an Awful Ugly Truth. He has an ongoing and serious love affair with the remote control to the television. My competition is not another woman. It is that blasted remote control (and the television). I believe that there is no activity known to man that he enjoys more (well…okay! Maybe one or two activities) than he enjoys clicking the channel up and channel down buttons on the remote control. The joy! The satisfaction! The utter bliss! So many sports channels…the Speed Channel…the Military Channel…the Outdoor channel. Top Gear, The War, The NEWS…we watch it all. The last thing at night is usually Sports Center, which we will then watch again first thing the next morning. Because you just never know what might have happened in the world of sports overnight. Inquiring minds WANT to know. My Daddy observed that The Rocket Man would probably watch a well-organized, televised spitting contest. Rocket Man swears that it would have to be competitive before he’d watch it. Leave it to Daddy to cut to the heart of the matter.

Is that enough? Shall I continue? The Rocket Man can be just a wee bit bossy. I’m not saying I’ve observed this myself. One of his friends from work told me that. He came right out and just said, “Ed can be bossy.” Well, Ed is the boss, so I think we can excuse him for that one.

Another Awful Ugly Truth about The Rocket Man is not really his fault. But since he wanted me to lay it all out for my vast audience (all 3 of you who might read this), here goes. He is color blind. Doesn’t see reds or greens. We had been keeping company for quite some time when he gazed into my eyes and whispered ever so sweetly, “You have the most beautiful brown eyes.” Say what? My eyes are on the green side of hazel. I like them that way. Consequently, one of my jobs in the household is to cover anything that has to do with color. Recently, we were looking for some fabric to have his office chair re-upholstered. The frame of the chair was being painted black and he wanted the seat and back to be red (he’s a Georgia Bulldog Football fan). So there I was, looking at red fabric. I found some and he asked me if it were really red. I cocked my head at him, and said, “Really?” He offered to go back to the car to get a jersey that was, he believed, red and black to match the color. Really??? I asked if there was a problem? Didn’t he trust me? I just threw it out there…”Hey, Rocket Genius—er, Man! Guess what? I’m NOT colorblind.” He promptly bought the red fabric.

The very last Awful Ugly Truth is this. He has Central Auditory Processing Disorder (APD). Oddly enough, so does my oldest grandson. The two are not blood related, but are ever so much alike in some wonderful ways. Anyway, when I took the lad to be tested and was given this diagnosis, I called to let The Rocket Man know the results. I was telling him some of the information that the nice testing lady had given to me. He stopped me and said, “Molli, I know all of that. I have Auditory Processing Disorder.” WHAT? This was in about our 8th year of marriage. All the sudden, so many scenes came rushing before my eyes. I felt a bit faint. The ensuing conversation went somewhat like this:

Me: (with skepticism) You mean all the times I’ve asked you to do things and you haven’t done them…you weren’t just blowing me off? There was some sort of disorder that made you ignore me?

Rocket Man: (aghast) Molli! I would NEVER blow you off. Really? There are times I haven’t done things you asked? I’m so sorry!

Me: How is it that this has never come up in conversation? I’d think that somewhere along the line, you might have mentioned it. Said something like: “Hey, Molli…did I tell you that I have APD and that while it might appear that I’m blowing you off, it is more likely that there is a breakdown in my neurons and the information, even though I repeat it, doesn’t quite make it to the part of my brain that translates and helps me do what I’ve just heard?”

Rocket Man: Oh. Golly, Molli. I thought you knew.

Oh, the things you find out about someone after you’ve been married to them for almost a decade!

So, there you have it. The Awful Ugly Truth about Rocket Man. The most amazing, loving, funny, happy, caring, warm, loyal, faithful, honest, hardworking, creative talking, engineer of a guy I know, who just happens to be the object of my affections. I think he’s the most wonderful creature God ever created. He thought you ought to know the Awful Ugly Truth, and now you do!

Thursday's Thankful Thoughts-May 13, 2010

Lots to be Thankful for in MolliWorld today!

We are leaving as soon as we can tomorrow for a week of vacation. We aren't headed off to an exotic or exciting vacation destination. We are, however, going to the place I most long to go in the whole world. We are going home!

That involves 2 stops. Don't tell, because it is a secret, but we plan to spend tomorrow night in the town where I grew up, Kennett, Missouri. I am already tasting Alford's Barbeque and I hope to be first in line at Causbie's bakery on Saturday morning. I want to drive up one street and down the other. I want to walk on the town square, park at my High School, drive by my old house and immerse myself in memories.

From there, we will go to Eldon, Missouri...my other hometown. I never lived there, but my grandparents did and my parents do now. So, I'm going home to my Mother and Daddy's house. Another walk down memory lane as I drive by the house where my grandparent's live, take a drive in the country to see the old places, worship in the church where my grandfather was pastor when I was a child. Sleeping and waking up in my Mother's house with all the wonderful things that I associate with that. Its just a dream come true for me. I can't wait.

Lots and lots to be thankful for! Vacation time. Going home. Spending time in the Jeep alone with Rocket Man. Time with family and old friends. Then, the wonderful feeling of coming back home to our home!

Today, my heart overflows with thanks for the ability of one Rocket Man to take me home and be immersed in my family. Its my birthday gift...and the best one I could have gotten.

Thankful, thankful, thankful! And looking forward to some Alford's. Yum!