Do you ever stop and think to yourself,
"I want to remember how this exact moment feels!"
To remember the sounds you hear. The colors you see. The way the world around you smells. How the sun feels warm on your cheek. Or how your breath makes smoke in the cold air. How your favorite fruit feels in your mouth as the flavor explodes. The heaviness in your heart or the lightweight feeling of dancing on air.
To take all those feelings in your surroundings, what each sense is experiencing and capture them, wrap them up somehow, and revisit them on occasion. Those memories we tuck away to cherish and take out whenever we want and soak them up, savoring in the memory of a moment.
Do you do that?
I do. I have done that for years and years.
In fact, I remember vividly the first time I consciously stopped and thought I want to remember what this feels like for the rest of my life. It was in May of 1967. My 10th birthday, to be exact.
I received saddlebags for my bicycle and I was out for a test ride. I stopped riding at the top of the hill. I lifted my face toward the sun, a warm springtime sun that emitted warmth on a cool day. I stretched out my arms over my head, as if to embrace the day, looked up at the blue sky full of white, puffy clouds, and thought,
"I want to always remember how this feels."
And almost 55 years later, I still remember what I felt that day. The old blue bicycle with new red saddlebags, the fresh breeze, the sunshine. I think part of what I was feeling was a freedom of sorts. I was free to ride my bicycle the rest of the afternoon, as long as I was home in time for supper. I could choose to ride up this street or perhaps wait and ride down the next street. I could avoid the hilly streets in the neighborhood. I could ride up and down the same street over and over. As much as a 10 year old could be, for that moment in time I felt in charge of my destination.
Something about the day made me want to take a slice of it and keep it.
I want to remember. So often, I've taken note of the way I felt. Some of the occasions were just ordinary, everyday moments. Some were destructive and hurtful as I stopped to think I want to remember this and avoid it if at all possible.
Some are the amazing and extraordinary moments of life;
first kisses (not all that many, but a few, and they were all oh! so! sweet!), good news, births, new experiences, mountain top sunsets, beach sunrises, a simple melody, a lovely flower, a line of poetry, a helping hand, a shared smile, an answered prayer.
Then there are those rock hard moments that I still recall with tears;
"I don't love you anymore", difficult diagnoses, that phone call you dread, gravesides, lost dreams, walking with a loved one in their last fight with devastating disease, disappointment, saying goodbye.
In all, I have tried to be intentional in my taking note of how things feel. And as I grew older than 10 and as my teen and early adult years flew by and all of the sudden I'm gettin-my-medicare-card-years-old this year...I have learned to offer gratitude for the moments I have tucked away in my heart. The good and the hard. The moments of my life. It's the only one I've had and while it has been a rather ordinary life (and that's really okay with me), it has been full of extraordinary moments.
The thing about all of those moments that links them all together when I sit quietly and ponder them is that God has been with me in every one of them.
I felt His presence as a 10 year old reaching out to embrace that beautiful day as surely as I felt Him holding me tenderly when my heart was breaking.
Should the day come that I no longer remember my carefully saved scraps of life, I know He will still be with me.
Last week, I was fortunate to escape the chill of winter and accompany the RocketMan on a business trip to Florida. I was able to spend time walking the beach, soaking up the gentle sunshine and feeling the ocean breeze on my face. I read great books, worshipped and sang praises, tasted freshly caught shrimp, laughed with new friends, and talked and dreamed out loud through the night with the RocketMan. I danced to some of my favorite tunes. I saw not one, but two launches!
And I found myself thinking over and over that I wanted to remember how this exact moment feels. Also? The camera on my phone helps :)
